but i do
by autumnbreeze16
Summary: She was like the moon, a part of her was always hidden away. Lelouch/C.C.


but i do.  
**lelouch **& **c.c.**

* * *

******author's note**: So this was on my google drive for awhile, completely untouched so during first period I decided to finish it (everything would have gone smoothly if some guy didn't push himself into my personal bubble and decide to stay until the end of class, but it's a long story)

title is from _all too well _by taylor swift.

**disclaimer**: I don't own _Code Geass_.

Reviews are loved.

* * *

They both burn out like firecrackers; just like how everything else in the world dies. It isn't something that happens suddenly. It's almost like drifting off to sleep, or falling in love.

(slowly, and then all at once)

That's what it feels like when Suzaku slides the sword straight through his stomach, and suddenly he can't breath and can't think. The only thing that had been left was to make some final amends, and some last words even though Suzaku probably knows them by now.

(but all Lelouch could really do is wipe his own blood on the new Zero, telling Suzaku that he had to give up being Suzaku and start being Zero;

Suzaku agrees, but his voice chokes up too and for a moment Lelouch wonders if maybe a part of Suzaku is dying along with Lelouch;

It would be a refreshing thought, considering everything that had undergone between the two)

And when the world is flashing out and turning a blinding color of white behind his now closed lids, and when Nunnally's screaming fades out into nothing, he thinks his last thoughts:

(_i have destroyed a world, and created a new_)

* * *

But the thing is, he's not dead.

When he grudgingly opens his eyes, his eyes are blinded by sunlight streaming in through the window and his stomach is aching. He groans as he sits up, and after studying his surroundings he thinks _I imagined heaven to be better than this_.

Except he catches green hair in his line of sight and it's an immediate confirmation that he wasn't in heaven. Because he can recognize _her_ from even the back of her head, and she can't be dead.

"Good to see you finally awake, Lelouch."

He jumps at her familiar voice, that same amused and bland tone. He just holds his head and tries to retrain himself to keep his annoyance under wraps. "Don't scare me like that, Witch."

Said "Witch" turns around in the chair she had been sitting in, her back originally facing him, and he's met with golden orbs and a sly smirk. She seems too real for this to be a dream. "You're not dreaming," she points out, leaving him to seriously question if she could actually read his thoughts.

(she always had a knack for that)

"I'm not dead," is all he can say, and at that amused twinkle in her eyes, it's obvious to say that she's laughing at him.

_What is it? State-the-Obvious Day? I thought death would have made you wiser Lelouch_, golden orbs seemed to be saying.

_Witch_, he wants to hiss back. But he knows that she's right.

(she always has been)

* * *

The next weeks seem to go on and on and he loses track of everything that is supposed to be important. He can't remember Nunnally (her face her eyes her smile); or Suzaku, (zero zero zero); or any of the Black Knights (ogi tamaki toudou _kallen_). He only remembers bits and pieces from a time period that seemed so much like a past lifetime.

C.C. understands.

(she always does)

It seems as if she still can read his mind, because her eyes still twinkle with that distant amusement that he's stopped being able to understand a long time ago.

"What are you thinking of?" He can't help but demand of her the following night. They're having dinner, and the only sound that follows is the clanging of plates and forks and spoons.

She rolls a vegetable. "You won't be interested in it," is all she says. He can't stop himself from feeling enraged all over again, even though a part of him knows she's correct. He's never really taken a particular interest in her daily thoughts, for they were long and confusing and never really made much sense to him.

(and death wasn't going to change that)

* * *

"You think just because you've died more than me means you know more than me?!"

(after about two months, he loses his temper because his c.c. isn't the same;

and when he loses his temper none of his words really make any sense, because he already knows the answer to his rhetorical question but he needs her to know that he's tired of her giving him the cold shoulder and he's tired of her being here but not really being _here_)

She doesn't answer. Instead, she stares off at some far point in the distance, but he knows she heard his question because her eyes are focused.

"I've lived longer too, you know," she finally answers in that tone that she only uses on him when he's lost his temper on her. But he rarely loses his temper around her, so he knows the tone is shaky and a little rusty from unused practice. But that doesn't stop her from using it. "Now stop beating around the bush, Lelouch. What's this really about?"

He's stopped being caught off guard by her ability to see what their fights are really about a long time ago.

Lelouch just hesitates and kicks the ground with his shoe. "I miss you," He finally says, cursing himself for sounding so uncharacteristic.

(zero would have been so disappointed)

"Hm," She ponders. He can't tell if she's surprised by his remark, or if it had been something she expected.

(that's the thing about c.c., you never know your place with her)

"How ironic," She continues. "You miss me, yet I've always been here. Why is that?"

"Why do you think, Witch?" He growls lowly, hoping that C.C. wouldn't force him the say the words that could cause their relationship to go down the drain. "Use your brain for once and figure it out for yourself."

At her pointed look, he just sighs because he knows _she_ knows what's going on with him. But she wants him to explain everything, as if that helped anything at all.

"You're just like the moon," He grumbles stubbornly, moving over and almost falling onto the bed. At C.C.'s confused look, he continues. "You're here all the time, but it's like you're not actually here. I see you and everything and you do things C.C. does, but you just going through the motions. The C.C. I remember didn't do that."

"And why would that be a problem?"

And, just like before, with every conversation with C.C., it feels like C.C. is a therapist and he's the insane patient.

"It also means a part of you is always hidden away," He continues, his voice trailing off and feeling that strange sensation of a weight being lifted off his shoulders. He had said what he needed to say.

(& she would have all eternity to think about it)

C.C. is quiet for the longest time, her breathing soft and he can barely hear it. "No one's ever said that to me before," She says at last, and he can vaguely remember the last time she said those words.

(he had said thank you to her, and she smiled through her teary eyes and said _no one's ever thanked me before_)

"Well, probably no one's ever been your contract partner and escaped death—"

Suddenly, there was something soft and warm being pressed against his cheek, and his first reaction is to shriek like a girl and jump ten feet away from whatever "attacked" him.

Instead of all that, he falls off the bed entirely and when he opens his eyes he sees C.C. sitting on the bed with that playful glint back in her golden orbs. All he needs to do it take one look and smile—just a little.

(because she's back)

"I just thought you didn't care," She justifies softly, giving one another one of those C.C.-smiles that he missed so much.

(although he would die a million more deaths than admit that to her)

**fin**


End file.
